Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
