Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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