respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
