I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
