So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
