Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
