I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
