somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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