i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
