I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
