Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
