nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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