Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
