My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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