i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
