Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
