Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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