I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
