I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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