C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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