We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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