$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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