That's when you crack a 10am beer
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
