What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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