After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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