He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
