True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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