I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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