like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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