My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
