how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
