just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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