i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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