See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
