Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
