I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
