I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the day after is always just damage control
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
