The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
