does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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