The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
