i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize