i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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