My Higher Power is John Stamos
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
