i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
