my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
