I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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