as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is Oprah even human
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
