that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
