I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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