yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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