she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
