He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
