At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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