I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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