I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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