Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
