I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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