My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize