i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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