Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Boobs are out for the taking
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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