Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
