Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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