so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
