she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
