now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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