let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
