The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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