I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
