she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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