my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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