hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
