You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
