I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
