i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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