so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
