You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
