I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
