good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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