why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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